Son Of The Bitch!

The Blue & White's First Bold Statement of the Season:
Paul Maurice's decision to start Andrew Raycroft against the Ottawa Senators tonight for game 1 of the regular season cost the team the game.

Now, I realize how easy it is to make comments such as that in hindsight, but let's not forget that I called his decision to start Raycroft a mistake in the first place..in foresight. Why the fuck do you bench Vesa Toskala, when Raycroft (as the incumbent) has shown a complete inability to compete against the Senators? It made no fucking sense when he made the decision, and looking back, it makes less sense now.

Three of the four goals that Raycroft allowed tonight were extremely weak goals. Extremely. Fucking. Weak. The exception was the first goal by Dany Heatley. A real #1 goaltender saves each of the other Ottawa goals. A goalie letting in soft goals when you are competing against the best team in the conference is a backbreaker, flat out.

In fairness, I'll note that Raycroft made a few very solid saves. But his inability to stop anything when the game is on the line meant [a] the necessity to bring in another goaltender over the summer, and [b] a loss for the Leafs tonight. In fairness part 2, the team in front of Raycroft was not perfect tonight - mistakes were made. Tomas Kaberle, for instance, had his worst game since the lockout.

Paul Maurice will undoubtedly stand in front of the (ridiculous circus of) microphones and tell anyone who is willing to listen that he went with the goaltender that gave his team the best chance to win. I am calling shenanigans on that. He's an intelligent man, this I'll never challenge, but pre-season aside, Raycroft has shown nothing in the way of stellar goaltending for any length of time, whereas Toskala's only hindrance was a lack of playing time behind a top 5 goaltender. Paul Maurice should be smart enough to know that [a] the pre-season means nothing, and [b] Vesa Toskala is the better goaltender every day of the week, and twice on Sundays. What gives, Paul? You should look at the game tape from tonight and flick yourself in the nuts with a spoon for every weak goal that Raycroft let in. If I see you limping tomorrow, I'll know you took my advice.

On the plus side, the Leafs' top line of Sundin, Blake, and Antropov looked as good as the Sens' top line. Yeah, I said it. I really think that Antropov's strong start (did you see that subtle but unstoppable move on Gerber for his second goal??) is the best thing that could have happened to him tonight. He has all the tools to be a really fucking good NHL player. The average Leafs fan loves to pick on Antropov because his skating is...well, it's ugly. He is a very tall man that skates with long powerful strides, so he looks like a sloth out there, but the fact is that every other part of his game is far above average. It can't be a bad thing to give him some confidence going forward.

Next game for the Leafs is tomorrow night against the same Ottawa Senators. If Vesa Toskala doesn't start I am setting the Air Canada Centre on fire. Go write it on the side of a cow.

Holy Mackinaw!

The Leafs will honour long-time play-by-play man Joe Bowen tonight before the game. This marks Bowen's 25th year with the team. His excitable personality has made him a fan favourite in Toronto over those years. His complexion, which screams, "I DRINK TOO MUCH" has made him a favourite of mine over the same time.

Bowen is sometimes criticized for being too loud, but it says here that an emotional, passionate play-by-play man is the stuff legends are made of (see: Rick Jeanneret, Harry Caray).

The departure of Harry Neale less than a week from the start of the season still rubs me the wrong way. I've said it before, but I believe there is more to the story. Bowen and Neale have called games together for over 20 years, and his move to Buffalo just before Bowen's milestone ceremony is fishy. Bowen will instead have Greg Millen by his side tonight.

Looking Out For #1

Paul Maurice has let his decision be known: Andrew Raycroft will start tonight against the Senators - insert bomb dropping sound here.

In all fairness, Raycroft was the better goaltender during the pre-season, and it's never a bad idea to go with the goaltender who's playing the best. Hopefully Andy can provide some stability between the pipes that hasn't been there against Ottawa for some time.

Maurice continues to be tight-lipped about which goaltender will play tomorrow night in game #2. I imagine it'll depend on how Raycroft plays tonight. Play well (and win) and there is no sense in resting him. If history repeats itself, we'll see Vesa Toskala tomorrow night.

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry, For Tomorrow We Die

Well, bitches and mahfuckers, the time is here. The Leafs open the regular season Wednesday night against the Ottawa Senators. I am looking forward to watching the Leafs take the Sens to town, but the reality is they'll probably lose. Ottawa is the strongest team in the division - probably the conference - and they pwn the Leafs of late.

The good news for the Leafs is that Ray Emery is out of the Sens lineup and will be replaced by Martin Gerber, who is 3-3-0 with a 3.34 goals-against average lifetime against Toronto. The bad news is that as mediocre as those numbers are, them's Raycroft-esque numbers, and Raycroft may well be the Leafs' opening night goaltender. Fuck.

According to TSN, Paul Maurice has indeed made his mind up about who he'll play...but won't be disclosing that information until Wednesday afternoon. Raycroft played better than Vesa Toskala in the pre-season, but it says here that the smart choice is Vesa to play against Ottawa. Here's why: the Sens dominated the Leafs last season, going 5-1-2. Raycroft was eaten alive by Ottawa's offense at every opportunity, and has shown no signs of being able to handle their attack. None. Paul Maurice is an intelligent man, and I believe he'll choose Toskala, who is a relative unknown to the Sens. And, he's just a better goaltender, despite a weak pre-season.

The Leafs trimmed their roster earlier this week, sending the following players to the Marlies: Scott Clemmensen, Jay Harrison, Simon Gamache, Ben Ondrus, Tony Salmelainen, and Jiri Tlusty. All but Tlusty must clear waivers. Not the choices I'd have made, but well, I'm not the GM. Kris Newbury has survived the cut at the forward position, and Andy Wozniewski, Anton Stralman, and Staffan Kronwall survived as d-men.

In case you are optimistic about the Leafs chances tomorrow night, keep this in mind: the Sens were undefeated in the pre-season. So, be realistic about the game tomorrow night, but cheer your fucking hearts out for the boys.

I can't hear you!

Who Will Be Sent Down to Play at the Uncle Ricoh Coliseum?

Stay tuned for news on the Leafs' regular season roster. Final cuts are expected early this week.

There are a few interesting questions to be answered:
[1] Does Andy Wozniewski make the team for a third straight season? Does he play if he does?

[2] Does Anton Stralman make the team? If not, does he report to the Marlies or insist on playing in Sweden as he has hinted?

[3] Where does Staffan Kronwall - who has also previously made the Leafs - fit in?

[4] What of Jay Harrison (who must clear waivers to be sent to the Marlies) and Bryan Muir (much NHL experience, but no contract as of yet)?

[5] Which forwards replace Bell and Wellwood to begin the season?

[6] Does the team go with skill (Gamache, Salmelainen, Tlusty) or grit (Ondrus, Belak, Newbury) in the starting 12?

[7] Does the team make a trade to free up roster spots and cap space?

I'll refrain from predicting, as it'd be pure speculation. I do think that the team that I'd pick will definitely be different than the one with which the Leafs will start the season. I am of the mindset that rewarding a player who has had an excellent training camp has more merit than inserting a plugger that hasn't. Alas, I don't think I'll get my way.

Leafs Make First Personnel Change of the Season

Chris Zelkovich of the Toronto Star is reporting this morning that Harry Neale will be leaving the Toronto Maple Leafs' broadcast team to join the Buffalo Sabres' team. A spot with the Sabres opened up with the recent retirement of Jim Lorentz, who was unwilling to take on another season's worth of travel. The move, says Zelkovich, will be announced later today.

I find this very intriguing. At the very least, the timing of this move is odd. Harry Neale called each Leafs pre-season game for LeafsTV. He was slated to work every Leafs regional broadcast as well as most of CBC Hockey Night In Canada games. He'll still do the HNIC games, however, which are mostly Leafs games. As for the regional broadcasts, Zelkovich says Neale's spot will be filled by Greg Millen, who was the ice-level reporter (read: grunt) for the duration or the pre-season.

The conspiracy theorist in me is running wild with reasons why this happened now. Could the Sabres have forced Lorentz into retirement, wanting Neale? Were the Leafs more keen on Millen than Neale, axing ole Harry and forcing him to look elsewhere? Was Neale so unhappy with the reduced role he's been asked to play that he walked away from the Leafs? Was it as simply as Harry wanting to live closer to his home in Buffalo? Or calling a better team? Was it some combination of the above?

In any event, the timing of the move is still queer. Jim Lorentz's reason for retiring doesn't hold water, IMO. He has been in the business a long time - he knew exactly how gruelling the travel schedule was to be. It wasn't as if the travel schedule was a surprise - why didn't he retire in the off-season? Why wait until a couple of days before the start of the regular season? It seems to me that there is more to the story; maybe we'll learn more when the move is officially announced. I should also mention that nobody else -other than The Star - is reporting such a move, so don't go burning your Harry Neale effigies just yet.

Assuming the Zelkovich story is true, Harry Neale will now work with the best, most exciting play-by-play man in the business: Rick Jeanneret. Check out the 10 best Jeanneret calls below.

Leaf Fans: Heads Up Their Asses For 40 Years!

I am as unhappy with the pre-season as anyone else, but the response of the typical Leaf fan still surprises the shit out of me. Would someone be able to tell me how it's possible that the pathetic, ridiculous ideas Leaf fans come up with sound reasonable to them? The following is a partial list of serious ideas brought forth by Leaf fans, via telephone, newspaper, or internet in the last few days:

[1] Because the Leafs let in goals, their defense is unacceptable and they need to immediately trade away McCabe, Kubina, and Gill. Finding a home for gigantic contracts in a salary cap world is simple, as it is of no consequence to other general managers when making deals.

[2] Because our defense is poor defensively, but good offensively, we should put McCabe/Kaberle/Kubina/Colaiacovo up on the wing to play forward. The fact that these are guys that have played nothing but defense for their entire careers shouldn't matter - they'll be fine, and the team will be stronger because of it.

[3] Because there were unrestricted free agents available this off-season, and the Leafs didn't sign all of them, the off-season was a failure. The fact that the Leafs signed one of the more coveted free agents matters not. Whichever free agent ends up performing the best this year is the guy we should have picked up. The fact that the bigger name players absolutely couldn't have fit on our payroll? Inconsequential.

[4] Because neither Leaf goaltender has looked great this pre-season, the team is doomed to finish last. Forget everything else; a poor showing in the pre-season is reason to panic. Moreover, the solution is for the team to trade for other goalies in very similar situations and get rid of the current duo. It's that easy.

[5] Deals made by recent general managers are invariably terrible, and will be the downfall of the team. Because a certain player doesn't perform as well as expected every single game, they are not good enough to wear the jersey. These players should be traded as soon as possible, and other teams will fight eachother to take them.

[6] The Leafs could really use a player like ______ (insert superstar here). Why not trade away ______ (insert mediocre talent here) and _____ (insert slightly above average prospect here) to get him? Remember, Leaf fans never need to think of the other team's incentive to trade away their stars.

[7] Paul Maurice doesn't know what he is doing. His hiring should have meant a complete 180 of the team's direction despite having mostly the same team to work with. Since he only slightly improved the team, he should be fired. Forget that the team made major strides under his regime last season; he didn't bring a Stanley Cup with him to Toronto, and we should go hire Scotty Bowman in his place.

[8] Player X looked really bad last night - the team should either send him to the AHL, or trade him immediately. Decisions made based on one game aren't reactionary or ill-thought out, in fact, they will mean the Cup is coming to Toronto this season.

Fuck. These are only the ideas that I have personally heard or read. I always laugh at the picture of the unusually flamboyant fellow sitting in the unusually flamboyant pose in the unusually flamboyant silk Leafs jersey because at some level it represents the collective ridiculousness of Leafs Nation. I've attached it below.

The Leafs: More Impotent Than Your Grandfather

When I watch Leaf games like the one last night, I feel trapped. Trapped in the sense that I am a lifelong fan - for better or worse - of a team that has shown very few signs of life over my time on the Earth, a team that may never be any better than it is now.

In short, I feel a lot like this lady's groom must feel. Trapped with something you know isn't ideal - something that can be greatly improved on. Can you imagine watching your bride smoke back a hotdog like this (much like the daughter from Coneheads) on her fucking wedding day? Can you imagine marrying someone that looks like this on their best day? Well, imagine all of that doubt and shame, and that's exactly how I feel when I watch my team get taken apart like it did last night, knowing that the team has shown no inclination toward rebuilding or challenging for the top prize, opting instead for a decade of mediocrity.

Besides "FUCK", what is there to say about last night's game? The Leafs were dominated in every aspect of the game by the much better Buffalo Sabres. They limped off the ice after a 7-2 drubbing as one big floppy cock.

"Totally fucking ineffective" is how I'd describe the effort put forth by the team. The only player about whom I have something positive to say was Kris Newbury, and I don't even consider Newbury an NHL calibre player. Newbury was the sole source of energy on the Leaf team - despite only 6:30 of ice time - and did his best to spark his team out of their coma. The problem with Newbury being your best player is that he is a 4th liner; and when the only person doing a reasonable job is a 4th liner, you're going to lose badly, most of the time.

Vesa Toskala was total garbage. Sometimes, when a goalie lets in a bunch of goals, you can justify or qualify a few of them by saying things like 'he had no chance on that one', or 'that one was tipped', or 'he was screened'. Last night, Toskala was the goaltending equivalent of Nickelback - the absolute shittiest example possible. Vesa Toskala has the easiest job in the NHL - he just has to be better than Andrew Raycroft - and he's really shitting the bed thusfar. Want an example? He has let in the first shot of both games he's played.

To put it mildly, Derek Roy and Thomas Vanek anally raped the Leafs last night. Roy had 3G 3A, while Vanek turned in a less dominating but still outstanding 1G 3A.

The saving grace from last night: Pre-season games don't count, and may even scare the Leafs into playing like professionals rather than beer league pylons.

Random Game Notes:
- My attempt at positives after last night's game: Bryan McCabe, Chad Kilger, and Jiri Tlusty were both +1 - not too shabby considering the final score; Alex Steen had 7 of the Leafs' 22 shots; Mats Sundin was 13-4 in faceoffs. It should be noted that all of the players mentioned here turned in fairly terrible performances last night, so take the stats with a grain of salt.

Get Used To It

As expected, the Leafs lost to the Senators last night. Final score 4-3 in overtime. The picture below summarizes Sens/Leafs matches over the last couple of years:


The Leafs, for the most part, looked adequate against the toughest team in the conference. But only adequate. There were, however, agonizing stretches that showed the disparity between the teams, and during those times I realized what it must be like to be a Blue Jackets fan. The Leafs open the regular season with a home-and-home series against the Senators on October 3 and 4. They really need to find a way to beat this team if they hope to succeed this year.

I've read a lot from the Toronto Sports media this morning about just how bad the team looked when the game winning goal was scored, and I have to take issue with that. Jason Spezza did make a nice play setting up the Patrick Eaves goal - but Ottawa was on a powerplay. And, being that it was overtime, it was a 4 on 3 powerplay. What does that mean? That there was much more open ice in which Spezza could skate around. Moreover, it would have been foolish for any Leaf player to chase around the puck carrier whilst shorthanded.

A penalty kill is all about positioning - this is why you always hear about "the box", "the triangle" or the "inverted triangle" depending on how many players you have out there. You're supposed to let the player skate around the periphery with the puck with only a slight challenge. That way, you can cover every other player on the ice...in theory. The real mistake on behalf of the Leafs was that Patrick Eaves was left alone in front, but the media has focused on how Spezza had control of the puck for a lengthy period of time before the puck. What douchebags.

Random Game Notes:
- My notes on Andrew Raycroft from last night began with phrases like "great positioning" and "looking confident" and ended with phrases like "soft goal" and "went down too early". This is Raycroft's career story.

- And, what the fuck was up with Schubert's goal that was 20 mph, along the ice? How do you not save that one when you've gone down in the butterfly position (like you always do)? Answer: you're Andrew Raycroft, you find a way to let it in.

- Hall Gill was again the backbone of two significant Leaf penalty kills - a 4 on 3 and a 5 on 3. Stop it, Hal, my boner is starting to show.

Shootin' Up In Beantown

The Leafs beat the Boston Bruins yesterday, 4-3 in the first shootout of the pre-season. Pavel Kubina - Leaf fans' favourite scapegoat of a year ago - scored the shootout winner in the 7th round.

(This image, taken from the Associated Press, is titled "kubina_gamewinner_seriously_ap_400" - nothing like a respected news source ripping into an athlete for a sub-par season.)

The crowd in Boston was terrible. Being that attendance figures are hard to come by for pre-season games, I'll have to use my best guess...which is about 5,000. There was no Red Sox or Patriots game occurring at the same time. Ouch.

As reported earlier by The Blue & White, Kyle Wellwood is out of the lineup - likely for a month - as a result of another surgery for his sports hernia. An interesting question arises due to Wellwood's absence: who takes his place? Both Simon Gamache (who scored again last night) and Tony Salmelainen are looking for a spot on the team. Both have thusfar been impressive, but were likely heading down to the Marlies, not because they haven't been good enough, rather because they chose to sign with a team without any positions available. Now that has changed. There is a top 6 (scoring line) position available, and if I am calling the shots, one of these two gets a chance to show off.

Random Game Notes:
- John Pohl, Chad Kilger, and Nik Antropov each had two points.

- The shootout - although filled with minor-league talent - was as entertaining as tying two cats' tails together and throwing them over a clothesline. By my count, the Leafs hit 4 posts, but I am including the shots that were along the ground. The Bruins also hit the post twice. Scott Clemmensen was 7 for 7 in saves...with some help from the posts.

- Marc Savard's shootout attempt was one of the more interesting of the shootout's short history. After beating Scott Clemmensen - who barely reacted - Savard's shot hit the crossbar, bounced straight up in the air, came down on the crossbar, bounced out to hit Clemmensen in the back, and stayed out of the net. Crazy.

- Speaking of Marc Savard, he dominated in the faceoff cirle - 19 wins compared to 7 losses.

- Anton Stralman looked much better than he did in previous games. I am beginning to see his potential, although I doubt I'll never agree that he is of Nick Lidstrom calibre. Lidstrom is undoubtedly the best defenseman of the past 10 years. A special, once in a generation d-man.

Another loss!

Remember when a 1-1-1 record meant that you had won as many games as you had lost? In today's NHL, 1-1-1 is actually 1-2, but because the league is giving out points like a Chinese masseuse gives out happy endings, points are awarded for overtime losses. I think it's a supremely shitty rule.

In any event, the Leafs lost to Phoenix last night, 3-2. Maybe my headline after last night's game was a little premature - the 'Yotes aren't as untalented as a retarded ballerina...maybe more like an autistic ballerina.

The game was Vesa Toskala's first action as a Maple Leaf. He looked very average, although 2 of his 3 goals allowed were powerplay goals. Andrew Raycroft looked better the night before, his propensity for going down notwithstanding. I'm definitely not ready to jump ship on Toskala - I really believe he is the undisputed #1 goalie on the team - but there is no question he'll need to play better to instill some confidence in the coach and the fans.

Last night was also the first time Leaf fans were introduced to Anton Stralman. I've heard the comparisons to Nicklas Lidstrom and Borje Salming, but last night Stralman did not stand out. Really, it would be ridiculous to expect that a 21 year old defenseman would stand out, especially in his first taste of North American hockey. Toronto media has been entertaining the idea that Stralman might make the Leaf team this year (because, apparently, he is that good) but the fact is that he'd have to be the product of Nicklas Lidstrom and Borje Salming's man-love to have any shot, for a couple of reasons: [1] Defensemen mature much later than forwards, and while most forwards are ready by 21, most defensemen are not. [2] The Leafs are quite deep at the defense position, and both Andy Wozniewski and Staffan Kronwall are currently ahead of Stralman on the depth chart and also happen looking for employment on the big team.

Random Game Notes:
- The Leafs dominated in the faceoff circle, winning a whopping 62% of draws. Quite surprising considering that both of the Leafs' top centremen - Mats Sundin and Kyle Wellwood - were out of the lineup last night. Potential 4th line fill-in Kris Newbury won 7 of 8. BAM!

- Kyle Wellwood has an ambiguous 'lower-body injury' that, frankly, scares the shit out of me. After one fucking game in the pre-season, he is already hurting. The Leafs will rely heavily on Wellwood's production as the #2 centre this year, and they simply cannot afford to have him miss much time. Update: Bill Watters reported on Leafs Lunch today that Wellwood's injury is "much more severe than originally thought". Apparently Billy has a "reliable source" that tells him that Wellwood is in great, constant pain and cannot skate. He goes on to say that Wellwood will likely require surgery in the near future. Fucking fuck.

The Phoenix Coyotes: About as Talented as a Retarded Ballerina

The Leafs are at .500 for the first time this season. OK, so it's the pre-season, and it's only 2 games in, but a win is a win is a win.

The Leafs narrowly beat the Coyotes last night - final score 3-2. The Leaf team that competed last night was almost entirely different than the one that lost to Edmonton two nights ago.

Many Toronto media outlets have reported storied of how good the Leafs' top line looked together. I think I must have missed something (which may have had something to do with the tallboys of Carlsberg that ended up empty on my living room floor), but it seems that the Sundin/Blake/Antropov line chemistry has been glorified. The line scored, and didn't look terrible, but certainly didn't play well enough to merit top billing on every sports page in the city.

Random Game Notes:
- Simon Gamache absolutely fucking drilled Daniel "4th Liner On What Will Probably Be The Worst Team In The League" Carcillo, who fell over like a drunk native. It should be noted that the hit was probably interference, and that I am pretty sure Wayne Gretzky cried when a penalty wasn't called. Note to Wayne: you used to be the best player in the game (and probably the best ever) but you're just a mediocre coach now - whining isn't going to get you anywhere. Cowboy up.

- Hal Gill gives me a boner sometimes. Is there anyone in the league you'd rather have out there when down 2 men? Not I. When the puck is down low, Gill gets down on one knee and lays his stick in seemingly every possible passing lane, leaving the puck carrier with very few options. Then, when the puck gets passed back to the blueline (which is inevitable because he has blocked all passing lanes down low) he stands up and knocks bodies around in front of the net. Fuck yeah!

- OK, the above mentioned Gill also kind of shit the bed last night - a Gill giveaway directly lead to a 'Yotes goal.

- After watching the goal that resulted from Gill's giveaway, I have (prematurely) decided that Andrew Raycroft is still fairly bad. One game isn't enough time to come to that conclusion, but hear me out: Gill's clearing attempt went onto the stick of 9th round pick Daniel Winnik (0 NHL experience, 1 year of AHL experience). Not a superstar by any means. Instead of challenging the inexperienced player coming at him, Raycroft went down just as the shot zipped over his shoulder. What the fuck? Andrew, have you not figured out the hole in your game? You fucking go down far too often!! Every team in the league knows it. Every team in the league shoots high on you. Every fucking time. Don't you notice a pattern? Are we going to have to tie you to the posts like the fat kid from The Might Ducks movie? This critique doesn't belong this early in the season, but I feel OK about it as it deals with longstanding issues. Andy, buddy, look at your game: you are good positionally; you are quick; you see the game well; and you have the mental make-up of a #1 goalie. So, why did your boss trade away a 13th overall pick (and change) to pick up a better goaltender? Because every fucking team in the league has identified your major weakness, and they exploit it on every opportunity.

In any event, the Leafs won their first of the year, so I will stop Gretzky-ing about Raycroft's play and fuck off for now.