David Shoalts, what the fuck were you thinking?

<-- SEPARATED AT BIRTH?!?! -->






David Shoalts' latest article, Question marks surround Leafs, is totally fucked. It is so bad, in fact, that I swore I was reading it at sportsnet.ca.

The article describes Shoalts' opinion that there are several telltale signs in place that point to this being the Leafs' last chance at success before a rebuilding. He points to JFJ's lack of contract extension, the search for a mentor to the GM, and Mats Sundin's one-year deal as potentially ominous signs of impending doom. Shoalts tells us that Leafs brass could pull the plug and begin to rebuild the team from the General Manager down.

With that, I take no issue - let's face it, the moves are entirely possible. The Leafs squad of late is simply not good enough to win a Stanley Cup. Several positive moves were made in the off-season, but this likely translates only into a playoff berth - a Cup is still far away.

Shoalts' article is the journalistic equivalent of a Turkish Homerun on almost every other front. Especially shitty selections are copied below in italics.


"Ferguson's problem is two-fold. First, despite some decent moves on his part, the Leafs are not dramatically better than they were last season, when they finished one point out of the playoffs. Second, as in too many other seasons, the GM is left hoping several long-shot gambles pay off in order for the team to make the playoffs."

Fuck, Shoalts. How do you concede that the GM made 'decent moves', mention that the team missed the playoffs by only one point, then go on to say 'several long-shot gambles' must pay off in order to make the playoffs this year? Add in the fact that the team that took the final playoff position last season (New York Islanders) is significantly worse, your logic simply doesn't hold water.


"Forget any thoughts of Bell making a significant contribution, even if his suspension for alcohol problems is lifted. He was put on the first line by two teams last season and could not score, even with Sharks star Joe Thornton as his centre."

Very interesting, Shoalts. Mark Bell was put on the first line by two teams last season? Interesting indeed, as Mark Bell only played for one team last season - the San Jose Sharks. How does an error like this get printed? Proof-read your stories, Dave. Mark Bell was part of the first line in Chicago two seasons ago - potentially that is where Shoalts' error stemmed from - but let us not forget that Bell's last season in Chicago was a 25 goal campaign that had him pegged as one of the NHL's top up-and-coming power forwards.

Moreover, I am officially calling shenanigans on the Mark-Bell-did-fuck-all-last season-and-played-with-Joe-Thornton stories. The fact is that Mark Bell saw very limited time with Thornton and Cheechoo last season. He didn't play well last year, and that is not being questioned here, but Mark Bell was stuck on the 4th line for the majority of the season, playing well under 10 minutes per game. Fuck you, David Shoalts, for insinuating that Mark Bell shit the bed while playing on one of the best lines in hockey. For the majority of the season, it simply didn't happen that way.


"All he's done so far is prove he was a bargain for the San Jose Sharks at $1.375-million (U.S.) a year. Toskala took the starter's job away from Evgeni Nabokov for long stretches, but the most regular-season appearances he made was 38, and come the playoffs last spring, Nabokov was the Sharks' man."

This must be one of the 'long-shot gambles' - along with Mark Bell - that Shoalts mentioned above. I will assume it is, as if not for Bell and Toskala, who exactly are the long shots?
Again, I don't understand Shoalts' approach. Concede that Vesa Toskala stole the #1 job from Evgeni Nabokov (a really fucking good goaltender) for 'long stretches' but also mention that he is an unproven gamble. More information from Shoalts would give insight into the realities involved:
(1) Toskala hasn't made more than 38 regular season appearances because he was in a platoon situation (again, with a really fucking good goaltender) for the few seasons he's been in the NHL. When Edmonton picked up Dwayne Roloson from a platoon situation in Minnesota, we didn't hear about how risky it was. Roloson promptly took the Oilers to the Cup final. The teams that are after Ilya Bryzgalov don't seem to be worried about the lack of experience, either.
(2) Evgeni Nabokov was the playoff goaltender only because an injury to Toskala opened the door for him. Toskala had firmly been the #1 goaltender in San Jose in the stretch previous to his injury.
(3) Toskala has improved his win totals every season in the league.


"By paying free-agent winger Jason Blake $5-million, the GM is hoping the 34-year-old can hit 40 goals for the second time, although the Leafs should be happy with 30."

OK, Dave, the Leafs technically are paying Jason Blake $5 million this season, but that is an irrelevant figure. Blake signed a 5-year deal that pays him $20 million. The number that matters is Blake's average salary - the amount that counts against the salary cap - which is $4 million. Giving Blake $5 million in his first season (and $4.5 million in the second and third seasons) means Blake will earn $3 million during the final two seasons as a Leaf. Front-loading Blake's salary translates into an easier buyout should he not produce during those final two seasons when he is in his late 30's. Seems to be a (rare) smart move on the GM's part. And since when is a 30 goal scorer something to sneeze at?

Northeast Division Preview

With training camps officially opening next week, and many unofficial workouts already in progress, it's high time that The Blue & White previewed the division.

Boston Bruins

They have added #1 goalie Manny Fernandez, and got a nice return for Shean Donovan in Peter Schaefer. This makes the Bruins a better team in 07/08 than it was in 06/07. The Bruins, however, were near the bottom of the league both in offense and defense last year on their way to a last place finish in the division.
The biggest change in Boston during the offseason was the arrival of Manny Fernandez, who is a definite improvement on one of the leagues shortest fuses, Tim Thomas. Thomas' 3.13 GAA from last season was ugly, but on the other hand he was a top 5 goaltender in shootouts. Manny will shave off some goals against this year and the Bruins just might finish ahead of Montreal for 4th place in the division.
Bottom Line: They have not done enough to compete for the playoffs this year.


Buffalo Sabres

Arguably the league's biggest losers in the offseason. Buffalo lost Daniel Briere and Chris Drury - their #1 and #2 centres - but boasted the deepest forward unit in the league last year. Their 308 goals for was far and away the best in the league. Moreover, Danius Zubrus (a natural centre who had been playing the wing in Buffalo) split for New Jersey. Good thing for Buffalo they have ridiculous depth at the forward position. Drew Stafford and Clarke MacArthur will step into full-time roles, and Tim Connolly will be counted on to offset the loss of the big two centres. They'll likely not lead the league in goals, but they'll still be far above-average. After all, Ryan Miller is still between the pipes and their underrated defense is still in tact.
Bottom Line: Although weakened by free-agent losses, Buffalo is still strong and should have no problems finishing 2nd in the division.


Montreal Canadiens

Lucky for Montreal, Buffalo's bedshitting in the offseason overshadows their own. The Habs lost Sheldon Souray's 26 goals (and leadership) that they are trying to replace with Roman Hamrlik. Ouch. Also, Sergei Samsonov, their biggest free-agent acquisition a year ago was run out of town. Can't really blame them on that one. Additions to the team are either rookies or minor, aging pieces.
Carey Price, challenging for the backup role out of training camp, is the real deal, and may take over the starting goaltending duties by season's end. Chris Huet and his Al-Pacino-slicked-back haircut is little more than Price's placeholder from here on.
Bottom Line: Montreal is in some real trouble this year. A 5th place finish unless their crop of young'uns really steps up.


Ottawa Senators

The class of the Northeast Division. Sure, they lost Tom Preissing, Mike Comrie, and Peter Schaefer - a tall order for some teams - but all three were minor players on the Senators. The team hasn't made any major additions or subtractions in the offseason, which suits the Stanley Cup finalists just fine. If Ottawa can rid itself of Martin Gerber's contract, they'll be able to pick up another player that will likely make them unstoppable.
The Wade Redden storyline continues in Ottawa - is he staying or is he going? Well, it says here that he's going this year. He is a free agent at year's end, along with 11 other Senators, including Dany Heatley and Jason Spezza. How the fuck can they afford to bring back Heatley, Spezza, and Redden you ask? They can't, and the smart money is on keeping the dominant first line in tact - Bryan Murray is smart enough to get something back for Redden via trade rather than lose him for nothing.
Bottom Line: Ottawa is still really fucking good, and should beat out Buffalo for a first place finish in the division.


Toronto Maple Leafs

Picking up Vesa Toskala, Jason Blake, and Mark Bell have made the team much stronger. After placing a respectable 4th in the conference (in goals for) last season, the Leafs should better last year's 258 goals. Moreover, Vesa Toskala should cut down a few from the Leafs' abysmal 268 goals against (6th worst!) from last year.
The Leafs defense, although no different from last year, stands to improve. 2006/07 saw brutal years from Bryan McCabe (defensively) and Pavel Kubina (offensively...and defensively), as well as first full NHL seasons for Ian White and Carlo Colaiacovo. Still offensive minded as a whole, the Leafs defense is not nearly as bad defensively as they are made out to be.
The Leafs did lose Mike Peca, but he barely played last season due to a knee injury. The loss of his penalty killing prowess will be softened by Jason Blake's skillz.
Let's not forget the importance of playing 41 home games on improved ice.
Bottom Line: After missing the playoffs by a single point last year, the Leafs will finish 3rd in the division and (finally) get back into the second season.

Please, Toronto media, no more lame references to his last name!

...it's not a type of food poisoning; and no, it's not funny to insinuate that it is.

The Leafs signed Tony Salmelainen to a two-way contract late last week. The two-way status of his contract means he'll begin the year with the Marlies. And likely finish the season there too. Barring the trade of a top 12 forward, Salmelainen will only see time in the NHL as an injury replacement. Even then, he may not be the first call-up, as others, including Jeremy Williams are NHL-ready.

Personally, I believe that adding talent to the wings is something that the Leafs could benefit from. Please don't confuse that statement with the typical Leafs Nation point-of-view, wherein trading for a superstar winger such as Ilya Kovalchuk or Dany Heatley is not only possible, but realistic. Rather, it says here that there are options (Salmelainen or not) on the Marlies that could add skill to the team. The Leafs are often criticized - rightly so - for having a glut of 3rd and 4th line talent, most of which naturally belongs at the centre position. Would it not make sense to drop a mediocre talent from the team in order to make room for some skill at its natural wing position?

Salmelainen, while clearly not the abovementioned Kovalchuk or Heatley, still has upside. In 2006, he was the MVP in Finland. His year with Chicago and Montreal was his first full season in the NHL. His 6G 11A totals impress no-one, but are promising when broken down by time on the ice.

His average icetime over the entire season was under 10 minutes. Not a lot. The following chart (whipped up by yours truly using mad Excel skillz, yo) shows his performance broken down by time on ice:


Compare his goals per game when playing over 14 minutes to notable players:
Joe Sakic (0.44); Sidney Crosby (0.46); Jaromir Jagr (0.37); Eric Staal (0.37).

Or, his points per game compared to notables: Zach Parise (0.76); Markus Naslund (0.73); Scott Gomez (0.83); Mark Recchi (0.83)

Obviously, putting up these numbers over an entire season or more is far different than over 12 games, and this analysis is about as unscientific as one can get, but the numbers show that when given icetime, Salmelainen can perform fairly well at the NHL level.

Mark Bell to be suspended?

Today it is being reported that Mark Bell has been suspended by the NHL, and that a formal announcement to that effect will come later today.

The suspension is being reported as stemming from his DUI last year, for which he will (apparently) spend time in jail. Being that the story involves a hockey player that plays for the Leafs - a team that plays in the same city that the majority of news outlets in the country also reside - it is being sensationalized.

After looking into the current collective bargaining agreement (CBA), it seems that this suspension is quite normal for a player that has been convicted of such an off-ice crime. That is; the league hasn't chosen to suspend Mark Bell because his actions were especially egregious - or because he has relapsed - rather the league by-laws mandate an investigation into a suspension.

His reinstatement to the league depends on approval by the NHL and the NHLPA. Considering that Bell has cleaned his act up significantly since the accident - including being 100% sober - it says here that Bell will be reinstated before the start of the regular season. Bell's plea bargain automatically enrolled him in Stage 2 of the NHL's Substance Abuse and Behavioural Health program - through which such a suspension is automatic. Contrary to the alarming language being used at news outlets across the country, he shouldn't miss anything of significance. I predict he'll be in the Leafs' opening night roster. Bones it.

2007/08 Projections

Below are projections for the upcoming season for the Leafs, from The Hockey News Ultimate Pool Guide 2007-08. Last year they predicted the Calgary Flames would win the Stanley Cup, with Jarome Iginla winning the Conn Smythe. So, take it for what you will.

Nik Antropov
66GP 16G 18A 33P

Bates Battaglia
80GP 13G 15A 28P

Mark Bell
78GP 16G 17A 33P

Jason Blake
80GP 37G 32A 69P

Carlo Colaiacovo
72GP 1OG 22A 32P

Tomas Kaberle
78GP 10G 52A 62P

Chad Kilger
79GP 15G 15A 30P

Pavel Kubina
72GP 11G 18A 29P

Bryan McCabe
75GP 17G 45A 62P

John Pohl
75GP 13G 13A 26P

Alexei Ponikarovsky
77GP 20G 20A 40P

Matt Stajan
81GP 15G 32A 47P

Alex Steen
80GP 23G 28A 51P

Mats Sundin
76GP 31G 47A 78P

Darcy Tucker
70GP 25G 25A 50P

Kyle Wellwood
80GP 22G 48A 70P

Ian White
77GP 7G 23A 30P

It should be noted that players projected to rack up less than 30 points were not included, which is why you don't see Hal Gill or Boyd Devereaux

Here is how they have projected the netminders:

Andrew Raycroft
10 Wins
3.00 GAA .900 SV% 1 SO

Vesa Toskala
31 Wins
2.55 GAA .909 SV% 4 SO

The Leafs are projected to end up 8th place in the Eastern Conference. Even the experts have us making the playoffs. Ottawa is projected to place 1st - then win the Cup - so we're obviously not expected to do much once in the playoffs.

Not just failed potential?

Found an interesting article today about Boyd Devereaux. It seems that Boyd owns a record company called Elevation Recordings. The description of the label (their words from their website):

Elevation is a new psyche/nopise [sic]/freakout/pop/heavy label dedicated to nothing more than the love of this kind of music. All releases will be limited from anywhere from 1-5000 copies and will not be reprinted when sold through.

I don't have too much to say about this, as the label has only released two EPs, neither of which I have heard. It should be noted, however, that Elevation has a release planned with Matt Cameron's (yes, THAT Matt Cameron) Wellwater Conspiracy. Neat-o.

I always like to hear about hockey players that aren't one dimensional. By that, I mean having a hobby /second career; like how Sidney Crosby has a clothing line. Or how Sheldon Souray beats his wife.

Well played, sir

Jeff Marek, host of AM 640's Leafs Lunch really fucking impressed me today. When Jeffy went to the phones to take calls from listeners, a particularly dull gentleman called in. The caller's inability to string together a few words in English - not because English was his second language, but because his brain has only even been used to mop floors - combined with his complete lack of hockey knowledge, made two things obvious quite fast:

[1] He was an average Leafs fan.
[2] He was probably from Keswick.

As I began to laugh at the man's obvious lack of intelligence, while feeling vastly superior at the same time, it happened...Jeff Marek totally fucking ripped into him. The first attack came unannounced: "Welcome to Darwin's waiting room." Then, before the dullard even realized he was being made a fool of, the fatal blow came: "Are you the third or fourth generation of your family to walk upright?" BURN!

What impresses me the most is that Marek is the Director of Sports Programming at AM 640 Toronto - he's the boss! Imagine if your boss talked to clients like that?! Bones it!

TSN's look at Canada's six NHL teams...is rubbish

We all love to hear about our favourite NHL team, regardless of the time of year. So, I was intrigued to see TSN's "summer six-pack, an online synopsis with all the reports on where your favourite Canadian team is going this season." Intrigued, that is, until I read the article.

Summer six-pack? I'd take issue with TSN's bullshit Poochie-The-Dog-esque jargon if I didn't know that deep down, many hockey fans were actually impressed that they equated the number of Canadian NHL teams with the number of beers in a case. Brutal.

All the reports on where my favourite NHL team is going this season: those are their words, not mine. The report that followed was no more than a recap of the offseason moves by the Leafs. In short, there was no information at all about where the team is going . Not a stab at where they'd finish, not even analysis of what they still need to upgrade. Nothing.

The only opinion that the article offered was on goaltending; that Andrew Raycroft is the #1 goaltender until he loses the job to Vesa Toskala. The fact is that there is no goaltending controversy in Toronto. Vesa Toskala is the #1 goaltender. He took the starting goaltender position from Andrew Raycroft the day he was acquired from San Jose. No general manager, not even John Ferguson Hooknose, trades away three draft choices (including a 13th overall pick) to acquire a back-up, or even platoon goaltender, especially not when there was an abundance of potential first string goalies to be had (ie. Manny Fernandez, Ilya Bryzgalov).

An intelligent sports fan should be wary of anything written by TSN. After all, TSN's job is to report the sports news, not to create sports news. At tsn.ca, however, they are all too willing to forget their role and pretend they are The Hockey News. The article that I am shitting on today wasn't written by any of TSN's "hockey experts", rather just by "tsn.ca Staff". It'd be interesting to know which part of tsn.ca staff wrote the article - was it, say, Bob McKenzie, or the guy that mops the floors in the washroom after Gino Reda drops a deuce? Judging by the content in the article - and at tsn.ca as a whole - I'd guess the latter.

2006/07 Season Highlights

Found this over at HockeyBuzz.com and thought it may be of interest here. All of you favourite moments are there, but some of the 'highlights' are unspectacular at best. The vids could be shorter - we didn't make the playoffs, after all.

Part I


Part II

Hey Mark, watch out for your corn hole, buddy

According to Sportsnet, Mark Bell is going to jail. Apparently, Sportsnet has learned that he will serve a six-month term at the end of this hockey season, likely in a California prison. Bell pleaded guilty on Tuesday to drunk driving after a hit-and-run incident in San Jose last Labour Day. His blood alcohol was double the legal limit when he ran into the back of another car. In other words, he Hancock'ed someone.

Sentencing for the offense will not take place until October. Interestingly enough, Sportsnet knows the length of the sentence before Bell gets sentenced. Very impressive! Sportsnet must have meant that Bell is expected to receive a six-month stint.

Being that Mark Bell is a professional athlete, we must remember that sentencing may not amount to anything other than community service and a fine. After all, Dany Heatley got zero time in prison for killing Dan Snyder with his car. Fuck, OJ Simpson got zero time in prison for double homicide. Mark Bell is now going to serve six months for rear-ending someone? Maybe, but the fact is that pro athletes rarely serve all their time.

So, the story could be true - Mark Bell probably does deserve to go to prison for injuring someone due to his own drunken negligence - but the ability of a pro athlete to dodge jail time, combined with Sportsnet's history of garbage journalism leaves me skeptical that Bell will ever see the inside of a cell.

From a very shallow, Leaf-centric point of view, Bell's impending sentence is likely bad news for Leafs Nation. Mark Bell has shown two very distinct sides of his game since graduating to the NHL. The first was the emerging power forward in Chicago that increased point and goal totals each of his first four seasons in the league, peaking at 25 goals and 48 points in 05/06. The second was the player we saw last year in San Jose: 10 goals, 11 assists and several games as a healthy scratch. It says here that the reason Mark shit the bed last season was the fallout from the DUI. It ruined his season, and has the potential to ruin the upcoming season as well. Hopefully Mark can get past it and resume his upward march to a legitimate NHL-calibre power forward.

And the conspiracy theorist in me says:
One must wonder whether this was part of the reason Bell was included in the Vesa Toskala trade. Obviously Mark Bell didn't live to expectations in San Jose, but they did trade away Tom Preissing and Josh Hennessy for his services. Often, the fact that decent talent was given up in exchange for an underachiever is enough reason to see the underachieving player through a bad season or two.

Perhaps San Jose Sharks General Manager Doug Wilson had the foresight to see this coming. Perhaps he was instructed by Sharks counsel Don Gralnek that Bell got himself into something fairly serious that would continue to dog him and his team. Perhaps the Sharks pulled the wool over JFJ's eyes, or told him that Toskala would never be a Leaf unless Mark Bell came with him. Or, perhaps I am full of bull'ish.

It's pronounced PEE-lash. I don't get it either.

Karel Pilar is no longer a Maple Leaf. Or a Marlie. The 29 year-old defenseman has signed a free agent contract with the Atlanta Thrashers. Good on him. After playing 50 games with the Leafs in the 2003/2004 season - and looking like he would become a mainstay on the blueline as a 3rd pairing d-man with a nice offensive upside - heart problems have limited Pilar to under 70 games in the 3 seasons since.

You may remember Pilar as part of the Leafs' never ending supply of mediocre talent. Pilar is a soft, finesse-type defenseman; a poor man's Tomas Kaberle. Because the Leafs already have a Tomas Kaberle, not to mention a few young d-men with more upside than Pilar, he had no hope of cracking the Leafs' lineup. He does, however, have a chance at cracking the Thrashers' lineup...but it should be noted that he is also a poor man's Alexei Zhitnik.

In any event, The Blue & White would like to congratulate him on getting outta Dodge, onto bigger and better things (Dude, you're on a playoff team now!).

Shot down in a blaze of glory

Yeah, that's right, a Bon Jovi reference.

No, you're gay.

I'm not sure what to think of the Leafs' search for a president - often called a 'mentor' to John Ferguson Jr. by Toronto media. This could only ever happen to the train wreck that is the Leafs. To be honest, the whole thing makes no fucking sense.

MLSE brass has taken the following strange stance on JFJ: he has all the tools to be an outstanding General Manager in the NHL, but as of now is not an outstanding General Manager, and needs some guidance to reach his (supposed) potential.

Now, Larry Tanenbaum (MLSE Chairman of the Board) and Richard Peddie (MLSE President & CEO) do not see eye-to-eye on the issue. Peddie hired JFJ and wants him to remain as GM - maybe to see JFJ reach his (supposed) potential, thus making himself look competent. Tanenbaum, on the other hand, would like to replace JFJ with a more experienced GM.

Their compromise is to hire a president to guide JFJ to his (supposed) potential. They have kicked the tires on a few of hockey's bigger names - most recently John Muckler and Scotty Bowman - but the position remains vacant. Bowman flat-out refused both of the offers that were sent his way. Don't expect to see Bowman sitting in a blue convertible with the Stanley Cup anytime soon. There has been no word on the outcome of the interview with Muckler.

David Shoalts wrote an article on August 5th, claiming that Bowman was close to accepting the position. Bowman refuted the claim. Shoalts seems to have since retracted his article (how fucking bush league!), as it has been modified on The Globe & Mail's website since it was originally printed. The only portion of the current article on the website that reflects Shoalts' original stance is a caption, which begins, "Legendary coach Scotty Bowman is on the verge of accepting a job as president of the Toronto Maple Leafs."

Fast forward to today, when a Michael Traikos article claims MLSE has put the search for a president on the back burner. Apparently the Leafs will begin the season with a mentor-less JFJ as GM. Richard Peddie was quoted as saying, "We still are intrigued - that's the verb I'll use - by the concept of bringing in some help for John." Thanks, Rich. I am intrigued - thats the verb I'll use - that Leafs fans haven't rolled you up in a carpet and thrown you off a bridge.

Although the Traikos article spins the situation in such a way that MLSE seems to have slowed its search for a president because they are comfortable with JFJ at the helm, the more likely reality, especially considering the above Peddie quotation, is that nobody wants the job. After all, they are looking for a tried and true "hockey guy": a guy with the know-how, the experience, and the elbow grease to build a successful franchise. Why would any hockey guy want to take the position when he'd effectively be castrated by the Steinbrenner-esque meddling of Tanenbaum and Peddie? They are interviewing men that have had significant success in the NHL for a position surrounded by people that have not...on a team that finished in the bottom half of the standings two years in a row.

Proven hockey guys and big hockey names are what should have been mentioned when JFJ was originally hired as an inexperienced 36-year old best known for being a hockey guy's son. It seems that if the big names in hockey are being brandied about, they should be in the running for the GM position itself. JFJ has shown very little in the way of growth in the position, and it seems replacing him is as easy as hiring another layer of red tape.