MLSE Bans Wilbur

This is a really great story. Bill Watters is being banned from the ACC.

Smile for the camera, Bill. Good, now look over at me. With both eyes.
No, Bill, I need both your eyes over here on me. No, they aren't. One of them is looking out the window.
Huh? Lazy eye? Billy, that thing ain't lazy, it's comatose.

OK, not literally banned, but all AM640 posters that advertise Leafs Lunch and Watters' prime time show The Bill Watters Show are gone, as well as images of Watters that run on the lobby TV screens. They have been replaced with versions that don't mention Wilbur. All ads for AM640 - you know, 'The Official Station of Leafs Nation' - are now void of any pictures of Watters, their #1 hockey guy. How bush league.

Why is this happening, you ask?

Because Wilbur was too hard on MLSE brass. MLSE believes that Watters' attacks on Richard Peddie and Larry Tanenbaum were personal - or, at least that's the bullshit reason they are giving - and as such, they're not allowing him to be advertised in their house. Yep, Peddie and Tanenbaum have taken their ball and gone home.

Anyone familiar with Watters' work knows he isn't afraid to rip into the two Stooges - Watters doesn't mix words and takes every opportunity to point toward MLSE brass as one of the main problems with the team - but since when does pointing out the professional shortcomings of very public figures constitute a 'personal attack'?

When you've hired all the wrong people, made all the wrong decisions, and raped your customers for a decade, you merit a watchdog like Watters to point out your shortcomings. In fact, you merit a few. This is the most irrational banning since NBC fired Norm MacDonald for making jokes at (double murderer) OJ Simpson's expense.

Wilbur was hard on these two dicks because these two dicks deserved it. They've done nothing right, unless you're an MLSE shareholder; they have turned a storied hockey franchise into a soulless money grab.

Wilbur on MLSE:
- "If you lock (Peddie and Tanenbaum) in a room with a basket of apples and a jockstrap, they would starve to death before they figured out how to put the jock on."

- "Until they get those two guys out of there, the hockey team is going nowhere."

- (On Tanenbaum) "He has a PhD: 'Papa Has Dough.'"

I say you keep on it, Billy. You've obviously struck a nerve at MLSE. Have at 'em!

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Playoffs
Here it comes again. Typical Leafs Fans are talkin' playoffs. Even reasonable Leafs fans are starting in; most of Toronto sports media has run with a story about the Leafs' chances.

Here's the truth, Leafs fans: if you believe the Leafs have anything but a mathematical chance at the playoffs, you need a lobotomy...and a kick in the nuts. Also, you probably listen to Nickelback and wear your chain on the outside of your shirt.

Any reasonable mind sees two prohibitive impediments to the Leafs playoff chances. They are:

[1] The numbers. The Leafs have 68 points and will likely need 92 to make the playoffs. Thus, they require 24 points in their final 15 games. They're a team 9 games under .500 playing at a point-per-game clip, thanks to the fact that the league gives out points for losing. The Leafs can lose no more than 3 games in regulation the rest of the way if they want to make the playoffs. They've played well recently, but nobody should believe they can keep it up for 15 more games.

[2] The Leafs are in 12th place, thus they must pass four teams to take 8th place and make the playoffs. The difficulty of jumping over teams to make the playoffs is well-documented, but I find that the reasons behind the difficulty are not. See, not only do the Leafs need to win (in regulation, to avoid the other team gaining that third point) any and all games against the four teams (there are 6 such games), they need to be by far the hottest of the four overall. This is something that most fans miss. The Leafs can get their unrealistic 24 points, but they also must play the best of any of the teams competing for 8th. If any of Philadelphia, Buffalo, NY Islanders, or Washington get hot to end the season, the Leafs are fucked.

So, to believe the Leafs can make the playoffs, you have to believe that they can win more often than the best teams in the league for the rest of the season, and that all the teams ahead of them will collapse.

No. Fucking. Chance.