That Stripper Means Nothing To Me, Baby, I Love YOU!

This post is the Blue & White equivalent of going out and buying your wife six dozen roses after she finds out that you have impregnated a stripper. By that, I mean trying to do something nice after you've clearly fucked up.

Last night, I done fucked up. I missed the entire hockey game, and I am ashamed of myself. However, you are going to benefit from that, because you're getting pure gold instead of a bunch of flowers.

Today I found a compilation video from LeafsTalk that showcases several meathead (ie. average) Leaf fans that call in on a regular basis. I have no fucking idea how host Andy Frost deals with the calls. I think he tends to be a little too nice to the callers - he should take a page out of the Mike Wilner book. Wilner is the host of JaysTalk (the equivalent radio call-in show of the Jays) and without getting into too much detail, the man is a special talent that makes nearly everyone else in the business look bad.

In any event, please see below for a collection of 5 callers that will make you ashamed to call yourself a Leaf fan (I'll summarize their calls as well):

Caller 1 - Dave from Oshawa:
"The Leafs need a sniper for Sundin...Get rid of Travis Green, and get Marc Savard."

Hey Dave, could you talk a little slower? You talk about as fast as Hal Gill skates. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Is it even possible for a human brain to function that slowly?

Caller 2 - Nicky in Toronto (my personal favourite):
Nicky: "...make a trade for Jason Smith and Horton"
Andy Frost: "So, Jason Smith and Nathan Horton are the two players the Leafs should go after?"
Nicky: "No, no, Horton that plays with Choochoo"
Andy Frost: <Stunned Silence>
Andy Frost: "You mean Joe Thornton? What makes you think Joe Thornton is available"
Andy Frost: "Honestly, stay away from the drugs and alcohol for a few days and maybe get back to us on the weekend."

It always astonishes me when know-nothing fuckups feel the need to call into a show such as LeafsTalk. Here's a rule: If you don't know the name of a perennial Hart Trophy candidate, you have no fucking knowledge of the game of hockey. It's science. What kind of grown man is named Nicky anyhow? Shoulda left that one in 3rd grade, asshole.

Caller 3 - Raj:
"Buffalo is first place. Toronto is in the 10th place [sic]. How can you compare the two hits?"

Because the Leafs are lower in the standings than the Sabres, the Janssen hit on Kaberle is much less sever than the Neil hit on Drury. You can't fight that logic!

Caller 4 - James from Kincardine (Talking to special guest Ian White):
"Did you pick the number 7?" "Who is your favourite Leaf? Johnny Bower was a number 7."

James, I know that Kincardine probably didn't provide you with the best education, and that only a select few from the town have their grade 10, but holy shit, has there ever been a goaltender that wore number 7? Johnny Bower's number 1 hangs in the rafters of the Air Canada Centre and hung in Maple Leaf Gardens before that - even a casual fan should know that, nevermind someone so into the team that they're apt to call in.

Caller 5 - Dave from Oshawa:
This is likely the same douchebag from the first call. He is trying to put together a list of 5 things about the Leafs - because he is so burned out I cannot for the life of me identify what the theme of the list is - and Andy has to help him count up to five. Fuckkkkk.