Jesus Suffering Fuck

The Leafs were taken to town last night in a big, big way. They were beat 7-1 by the Carolina Hurricanes. I watched the game at a local watering hole with a few typical Leaf fans, and was half-wasted when I left because I really felt the need to drink away my sorrows. When I got home, I took out my anger on my wife and had the dog put to sleep.

There wasn't much good to talk about on the Leafs' side. The collective effort was piss poor. I haven't seen a contest this lopsided since I knocked Chuck Norris out with a roundhouse kick to the face. I will say this though: I have never seen a goaltender look so good while letting in seven goals. Half of my notes from the game last night are directly related to boneriffic Toskala saves. If they'd had any effect on the outcome of the game, I'd call them 'game savers'.

The fact is that the Leafs were trounced, and I can't point out any player that played well, because that's like pointing out the best Nickelback song - you'd still rather jam an EpiPen in your ear than hear it. What I will say - and this is the most positive I can be at this point - is that I have not seen Jason Blake make a mistake all year. His play hasn't been spectacular, but he is showcasing a very solid all-around game.

After a 7-1 loss, I feel perfectly comfortable talking about those that looked especially shitty...like Pauly-Shore-in-a-dramatic-role shitty:

- Bryan McCabe - Dude, you ran into the back of your own net under the slightest pressure while on a powerplay. And that wasn't even the worst mistake you made. Did they forget to tell you you're the highest paid player on the team? Fuck!

- Darcy Tucker - You haven't looked good on one shift all season. Not one. What the fuck was your off-season workout routine, putting up drywall? Get your head out of your ass!

- John Pohl - Last year you had a drive that kept you in the NHL despite a lack of high-end talent. This year, that drive seems to have disappeared and you are looking more and more like a career minor league player. You better hope Mark Bell's suspension lasts forever.